Parental Control
by Charlie Aome
Summary: This is based off the tacky MTV reality show Parental Control. I just Buffy-fied it :


**Let's meet the Summers Family**

"Hi, I'm Hank and I'm a bank manager."

"Hi, I'm Joyce and I own my own art gallery."

"And our daughter, Buffy, is the light of our lives," Hank beamed.

"She's sweet, generous, vivacious, and a strong, young woman," Joyce praised, "But there's one thing we can't stand."

"Her boyfriend is a douche bag!" Hank protested.

**This is Buffy. She's dating Angel. They've been together for two years, and Buffy thinks he's the one. But her parents think he's a total loser. **

**So her mom and dad are setting her up on two blind dates that they've each hand picked just for her. If you think Buffy might have a problem with this, imagine how her boyfriend, Angel, is going to feel as he sits down with her parents, and they watch the dates together. **

**At the end of the day Buffy will have to decide who she wants to keep seeing, her boyfriend Angel, or one of the new guys her parents have selected. **

**Buffy is about to get a shot of parental control.**

"Hi my name's Buffy and I'm dating Angel, and no matter what my parents say I know that Angel's the only one for me. I love him, and I know we're forever.

"Angel is a complete waste of space. First off, he has completely no personality. Our Buffy is full of life, always smiling, happy, and full of energy, but whenever Angel's around, she's just not her happy-go-lucky self. He's always brooding about something, and thinking he's all mysterious. I think he's just an idiot," Joyce complained.

"Our daughter is very bright and independent, but Angel is always telling her what to do. He's always ordering for her or doing things for her 'own good,' and basically treating her like a child," Hank ranted.

"But what's even worse, is that I think he cares more about his hair then he does about our daughter. Whenever he walks by a mirror he stops to check himself out, and he takes longer in the bathroom to get ready than she does!" Joyce protested.

"I'm the king of this castle, and my queen and I know our princess deserves better."

"It's over Angel. After today we'll never have to put up with your brooding, controlling, over-gelled hair again!" Joyce finished.

**Now it's time for Mom and Dad to meet the potential blind dates for Buffy.**

"Hello Sir. Ma'am. I'm Riley."

"Hi, I'm Robin."

"Hey, I'm Owen."

"It's nice to meet you, I'm William."

"What's up 'rents? I'm Parker."

"What do you do for a living?" Hank asked. He didn't want his daughter dating some lay-about.

Riley: "I'm an ROTC student at UCSunnydale."

Robin: "I'm a tae-kwon doe sensei."

Owen: "I work at a coffee house."

William: "I'm currently studying to become an English teacher at Stanford."

Parker: "I don't have a job. Leaves more time for macking on the ladies. "

"What is the worst lie you ever told a girl while you were dating?" Joyce questioned the guys.

Riley: "Lying is not permitted ma'am. That's how my Mama raised me."

Robin: "No, that dress doesn't make you look fat."

Owen: "When my last girl confronted me about cheating on her I lied and said I didn't."

William: "I prefer to be honest with the girl that I'm with. If she truly cares about me then both our opinions matter and we can tell each other anything. But I did tell the first girl I kissed that it wasn't my first time."

Parker: "That I'd call her the next day."

"Our daughter's current boyfriend is completely useless. He has no personality, and never does anything romantic for our daughter. Get down on one knee and show us how you would propose to her," Joyce challenged.

Riley: "Darling, I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?"

Robin: "You are a wonderful woman and I adore you. Would you spend the rest of your

life with me?"

Owen: "Wanna marry me baby?"

William: "Sweetheart, you are the only woman in the whole world for me. You're the one. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

Parker: "Fuck marriage baby, lets get freaky!"

"Why should we pick you to date our daughter?" Hank asked as he crossed his arms across his chest. Some of these guys had potential, but some of them we're real duds. What were they thinking? They weren't good enough for his daughter!

Riley: "I'm an honest, caring guy, and I'll treat your daughter right."

Robin: "I'm a down-to-earth guy with a lot to offer."

Owen: "'Cause I could get her free coffee?"

William: "I know how to treat a woman like she deserves, and if you picked me I'd treat your daughter like the princess she is."

Parker: "Cause I'm great in the sack."

Joyce and Hank we're flipping through the guys photos after they finished with the last one. Joyce immediately pointed to the guy on the third page.

"I think he's perfect. He seems sweet and he was quite charming. I think Buffy'll really like him."

"Well, I like this one." Hank turned a few more pages and found the guy he liked. "He seems responsible and will treat Buffy with respect."

**The date Buffy's dad picked is about to arrive. That means that Angel is going to have to watch Buffy go out with another guy, while he hangs out in the living room with her parents.**

"Buffy, you don't have to do this?" Angel told her.

Buffy rolled her eyes. She was just doing this to appease her parents. She knew that she would never leave Angel. They had so much history. They had been together since she was 16 and they were going to get married one day, and have the white house with the picket fence and the 2.5 kids. Nothing her parents did could change that. Or so she thought.

"It's just semantics, Angel. I know you're the one for me." She gave him a quick peck on the lips, and focused her eyes on the door when she heard the doorbell ring.

"That's your replacement Angel. Get ready to see how a real man treats a woman," Hank boasted.

"Here's the deal. My mom and dad think my boyfriend Angel is a waste of time so they've each set me up on a blind date. My dad's pick is first. My dad's really overprotective, but it's only cause he wants the best for me, so I know the guy he picked is gonna be a real gentleman."

The doorbell rang and Hank got up to answer the door.

"Hello, Riley. It's good to see you again. Please, come on in."

Riley stepped into the house dressed in a simple gray t-shirt, tan cargo shots, and white sneakers. "Hello, Sir. It's good to see you again too."

**Earlier comments from Hank as to why he picked Riley** – "_He seems like a strong and loyal kind of guy who can take care of our daughter, but also let her be herself. He's also has impeccable manners, which warms this father's heart. He's motivated; he's going places, and completely different from her current loser of a boyfriend."_

Walking into the living room Hank made the introductions. "This is our wonderful daughter, Buffy," Buffy smiled and waved, "and her boyfriend Angel, Sir Broods-a-lot."

Buffy rolled her eyes at her father's comment. Sure Angel brooded, but it only added to his mystery, which was one thing she really loved about him. Riley walked over to Joyce and shook her hand. "It's good to see you again, ma'am."

"Thank you, Riley. Buffy isn't he polite?"

Buffy rolled her eyes again. She had a feeling she'd be doing a lot of that today.

Riley walked over to Buffy and held out his hand, "Are you ready to go, miss?"

"Sure," Buffy said cheerily.

**Angel's first impression of Riley**– _"What a loser. That guy has no personality. And what's with sucking up to her parents? Their just as useless as he is."_

**Buffy's first impression of Riley**_ – "He seems like a sweet guy, and he has a really kind smile." _

**Buffy and Riley are off to have a romantic afternoon in the sun, while Mom, and Dad, and Angel watch it all unfold at home in their living room.**

"So Angel, what you think of Riley?" Hank asked only slightly curious.

"I'm not worried about Captain Cardboard, he might've sucked up to both of you, but Buffy knows I'm the only one for her."

"Pft," was Joyce's only comment.

Hank picked up the remote, and turned on the TV so they could watch the date.

"Your parents told me how your boyfriend isn't really that romantic, and I thought what's more romantic than a picnic in the park," Riley beamed, "So I set up a blanket for us and packed us some sandwiches and snacks, but I thought we could work up a little appetite on the playground first."

Buffy gave Riley a bright smile. "I'll race you to the swings!" Buffy shouted, and took off.

Riley smiled back, and bounded off after her.

_Back in the Summers' living room_

"Aw, isn't that sweet, hunny, he took her on a picnic," Joyce cooed.

"Yes, dear. He's been a real gentleman so far," Hank agreed.

"Yeah. More like a real jackass," Angel muttered under his breath.

"Watch and learn, boy," Hank said sternly, and the three turned to face the TV once again.

_Back to Buffy and Riley's date_

Buffy was already pumping away on the swing when Riley caught up to her. He stood behind her to push, but she shook him off.

"Pull up a swing."

Riley sat down awkwardly on the swing. He was hoping to get a chance to push her, ask her questions, show her what a gentleman he was, sitting on the swing he just felt like a fool. He shook off the awkward feeling to focus on Buffy.

"So, what do you do?"

"I'm an ROTC student at UC Sunnydale."

"Really, isn't that like military stuff?"

"Yes, I'm planning on joining the Army once I get out of college."

"Oh," Buffy said thoughtfully, "Cool, I guess. I'm starting at UC Sunnydale in the fall," she finished excitedly.

"Yeah?" Riley asked. Buffy nodded. "Well, it's a good school. Professors are pretty accessible. I think you'll like it."

"Thanks. So… Ah… What do you like to do for fun?"

"Well I do a lot of training with the corps in off hours. Otherwise, I play basketball a lot with my friends, Graham and Forrest. Maybe pass around the pigskin. You know, typical guy stuff."

"Sounds… macho," Buffy said vaguely.

_Back in the Summers' living room_

"Wow, Hank, this guy's a real winner. He's just bursting with personality and life," Angel mocked.

"Shut up and listen here, you worthless excuse for a man. My daughter deserves a thousands times better than you, so get out all your little comments now, because at the end of the day, you're history."

Angel glared at Hank, but said nothing else as he brooded in the corner of the couch focusing on the TV and Buffy's date with Riley.

_Back to Buffy and Riley's date_

Riley and Buffy had migrated away from the swings and had settled down on the picnic blanket. Riley had packed tuna sandwiches, chips, and strawberries with chocolate sauce for dessert.

"I hope you had a good time playing on the swings."

"I did! It was totally fun, I haven't done that in forever. Buffy plus swings makes for a very happy Buffy."

Riley looked at her a little oddly at her choice of words but shook it off.

"I'm glad you had fun. I like to see you smile."

The comment made Buffy blush.

"So, what's the first thing you notice about a girl, Riley?"

"I'd have to say her smile," which made Buffy blush again. "It can really tell you a lot about a person."

"Oh yeah? What does my smile say?"

"That you're warm and caring," Riley said a little bashfully.

Buffy blushed for a third time. "That's really sweet, thank you, Riley."

"Speaking of sweet, think we should open up the strawberries?"

"Definitely!"

Riley opened the basket to bring out a whole container of the juicy red fruit. Buffy's mouth was watering at the sight. She was so hungry. She hadn't eaten yet that day, which was very unlike her. He handed her the container while he reached into the basket to take out the chocolate sauce, which he quickly handed over to her.

She immediately poured a generous amount in the container top, and eagerly grabbed a strawberry and dipped it in the chocolate. She was instantly in bliss and moaned a little at how sweet it tasted. Buffy missed the shocked look on Riley's face at her little noise and continued to savor the fruit and chocolate mixture exploding in her mouth.

Riley sat there for a few minutes mesmerized by Buffy's erotic display. He'd never seen a girl act that way with food before.

When he snapped out of it he cleared his throat to get Buffy's attention.

"Oh, did you want one?" Buffy asked innocently.

Riley gave her a nervous smile and shook his head. He took the container of berries and chocolate from Buffy, and she pouted.

Riley didn't even register her protruding lip, which usually got her what she wanted, and just said, "I think it's time I should be getting you home. I'm nothing if not punctual."

"That's definitely a good quality to have," Buffy mentioned as she helped Riley pack up their picnic.

"I had a nice time today."

"Me too," Buffy agreed.

And with that the couple headed back to her home.

Back in the living room, Joyce and Hank clapped at the completion of the date. They were praying there were some sparks, or enough to get Buffy to dump her turd of a boyfriend. Angel continued to sit on his corner of the couch and brood.

"So I just got back from my date with Riley. It was a lot of fun. I haven't done that in forever, and he was really sweet, and a perfect gentleman. I can see why my dad picked him. My mom's pick is up next and that means this guy is going to be totally different from Angel or Riley, but she always did have good taste."

"Hi hunny, how was the date?" Joyce asked.

"It was nice, Mom. He was really sweet."

She gave Angel a kiss on the cheek when she sat down on the couch, but he didn't even acknowledge her. She rolled her eyes at his usual brooding behavior as the door bell rang.

"That's my guy right now, say goodbye Angel." Joyce got up to answer the door with a broad smile on her face.

She opened the door to reveal a young man with bleached blonde hair wearing a tight black t-shirt with an ocean blue button down over it, black jeans, and a smile on his face.

"Hello, William, welcome to our home."

"Thank you. It's good to see you again."

**Earlier comments from Joyce as to why she chose William**_ – "I picked William because he was charismatic, funny, and intelligent. I liked that he was respectful and open with Hank and I in the interview, and he seems like a very together young man. I think he'll be good for Buffy and they'll have a lot of fun."_

They walked into the living room where Joyce made the introductions.

"This is our amazing daughter, Buffy," who gave William a shy smile that had Angel a little nervous, "and this is her soon to be ex-boyfriend tall, dark, and forehead."

William turned to Buffy and gave a little bow, "Buffy," and then turned to Angel and bowed again, "Forehead."

William's little comment had everyone laughing including Buffy, but she tried really hard to hide it.

He stood up and hooked out his arm for her to take. "Ready to go, pet?"

Buffy just nodded dumbly while looking into his blue-blue eyes, mesmerized by his smooth accent, and took his arm.

**Angel's first impression of William**_ – "Who the hell does this pipsqueak think he is? Insulting me in front of my girl? Thinking he's all bad with his bleached hair? Yeah right! I could kick the crap out of that guy."_

**Buffy's first impression of William**_ – "Oh my holy god! He has the nicest blue eyes I have ever seen in my life! And did you see his cheek bones? Oh my goodness. I am in so much trouble right now."_

**Buffy and William are off to have a colorful experience, while Mom, Dad, and Angel are back at the house ready to see how things unfold. **

"Get ready Angel, because this is the last time you'll see our daughter," Joyce stated.

"Whatever," Angel mumbled. He sat on his corner of the couch brooding. He was not going to let Buffy's parents know that he was definitely nervous about this guy.

Joyce picked up the remote and turned on the TV, she was very excited to see what William had planned for her daughter.

Buffy and William walked towards an industrial-like looking park. There were parts of buildings, canisters, and hay everywhere, but everything was also covered in paint splatter in every color imaginable. Buffy just raised a questioning eyebrow to William. He gave her a sexy smirk and waggled his eyebrows at her. Buffy giggled, and William stepped before her to explain the date.

"Alrigh' so today were going to have a paint fight. It's like paintball, but instead of guns we're going to use paint balloons. We'll each get to wear a lovely white jumpsuit and goggles, and at the end of the game who ever has the least amount of paint on their jumpsuit wins."

"And what does the winner get?" Buffy asked flirtatiously. She couldn't believe she was flirting with this guy. Then she inwardly rolled her eyes at herself. '_Well duh, the man is gorgeous and that accent is totally swoon worthy,' _she thought.

"How 'bout a kiss, pet?"

Buffy raised an eyebrow at him. "Presumptuous much?"

William held up his hands in supplication. "Just on the cheek. I'm more than respectable like," but he did finish with a waggle of his tongue just to make her laugh.

Buffy giggled at his antics and rolled her eyes playfully. "Come on let's get dressed. I'm sooo gonna kick your butt."

"We shall see, pet. We shall see."

_Back in the Summers' living room_

"How you feeling now, Angel? Getting nervous?" Hank egged.

"Shut it, old man. You don't know anything."

"Boy, watch yourself."

_Back to Buffy and William's date_

"Here's your bag of paint balls, now…" but William was interrupted when a yellow balloon filled with blue paint exploded on top of his head. All he saw when he cleared the paint away his goggles was her blond hair trailing in the wind as she ran away giggling like mad.

"Minx. I'm going to get you for tha'," and with that he took off after her.

Buffy was hiding behind an old car door trying hard not to make any noise, or he'd find her. She couldn't help what she did and he looked so cute looking all confused when it happened. She was having a blast and the date had barely even started.

Just then a balloon exploded on her back covering her in green paint. She shrieked and heard William laugh as he ran behind a hay bale.

Buffy snuck around the perimeter of the park to be able to sneak up on William. When she reached his hiding spot, she found that he wasn't there. She stood up and looked over the hay bale, but didn't see anything. She slunk around the bale, and slowly moved towards a large wall structure. She headed for the large window, hoping to get a scope on where William was. She poked her head through the missing pane, but still didn't see William.

Just then, she was grabbed from behind and she squealed. William had his arms wrapped securely around her. Buffy grabbed another paint ball and broke it over his left shoulder. He immediately dropped her and grabbed a balloon from his bag. He aimed for her as she ran away laughing with him following right behind her.

He hit her leg with a balloon filled with red paint, and she tripped and fell into the nearest pile of hay. He dove into the hay next to her and grabbed her around the waist and started tickling her. Buffy was giggling like crazy, but managed to grab another balloon from her bag, and showered him in yellow paint all over his right arm.

William was unfazed and continued to tickle her with one hand while he grabbed a balloon from his bag and crushed it over her stomach. His tickle assault had her writhing and laughing with abandon.

She had never had this much fun on a date before. This had to be the best date she's ever been on.

"UNCLE! UNCLE!" Buffy screamed. William reluctantly let go and helped her to sit up. She pouted as she pulled the hay out of her hair.

"Aw, look at that lip. Gonna get it."

William leaned in and placed the softest kiss ever upon her lips. The whole world faded away to just the two of them. Buffy forgot everything: The hay, the paint drying all over her face, how awful she probably looked, her boyfriend, the cameras. The world became just her and William as he slowly pressed his lips to hers. The kiss only lasted a moment, but it was a moment that neither of them would soon forget.

When the moment ended, Buffy instantly felt guilty, but refused to let William see it. She was having such a good time.

William saw the look in her eye after they broke away, and understood because technically she did still have a boyfriend. Shaking it off he decided to keep the date going in a positive direction.

"Hungry, pet?"

"Oh my god, yes!"

"Well good, cause I'm takin' you to the best pizza place in California."

"Yay! Buffy and pizza are very mixy things," she said enthusiastically.

William smiled and helped her up. "I like the way you talk, pet."

Buffy blushed as they headed out of the paint park to get food.

_Back in the Summers' living room_

"Wow, that was some kiss," Joyce recounted.

"That wasn't anything," Angel lied.

"I'm not so sure, Angel," Hank added.

Angel was fuming, but refused to make any further comments. Hank and Joyce gave each other a knowing look with smug smiles on their faces.

_Back to Buffy and Williams date_

Now fresh and clean from the date at the paint park, William and Buffy were happily gorging themselves on pizza.

"Oh my god! This has to be the single best pizza I have ever had!" Buffy moaned in between bites.

William smiled as he watched Buffy eat. She was magnificent!

"Glad you like it, Goldilocks."

"Goldilocks?"

"Yeah. I love your hair," and to emphasize his point he ran a finger through her hair as he brushed his thumb across her cheek. "It's like sunshine."

Buffy swallowed hard, and stared into the iridescent blue eyes that were boring into her. After a few seconds she looked away and blushed a deep red at his compliment.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, pet. Shoot."

"Well, um… you don't really look like a William. Do you go by Will?"

William chuckled and said, "Not likely, pet. Everyone calls me Spike, but I wasn't about to introduce myself to your parents as that, and have them get the wrong impression."

"Spike? How'd you get that nickname?"

"That's a tale for our second date. If you'll have me, pet."

"We shall see, Spike. We shall see."

Spike leered at her. She rolled her eyes, but gave him a sweet smile.

"I think I should be gettin' you back Goldilocks. What do you say we head out of here?"

"Ok," Buffy said as she stood up. "I had a really good time today, Spike."

Spike just smiled and offered her his arm again and led her out of the restaurant.

Back in the Summer's living room, Joyce and Hank clapped again at the completion of the date. Angel was fuming in his seat. He didn't like this one bit.

Joyce and Hank were delighted. They were positive that Buffy would choose one of their guys and dump Angel. She couldn't possible want to stay with him after the wonderful dates she had today. They were sure of it.

"I just got back from my date with Spike, and it was definitely an experience to be had. I've never had so much fun playing with paint. It was so much fun! Now I have to decide if I want to stay with my boyfriend Angel, or pick one of the two great guys my parents picked. I thought this would be easy, but now I really confused. This is gonna be really hard."

**Now it's time for Buffy to pick the guy for her. Will she pick Riley her romantic swing partner, or William her new painting beau? Or will she stay with Angel, her boyfriend of two years, and the person her parents can't stand?**

Riley, Angel, and Spike were all sitting on the couch eyeing each other up, waiting for Buffy to return. When Buffy walked into the room with her parents, the three guys eagerly stood up, anxious to hear her decision.

"Guys, today was definitely an eye opening experience and I had a great time with both of you, but now it's time to make my decision. And I have to eliminate one of you right now."

The room was fraught with tension wondering who would be given the heave first.

"Riley. I had a nice time on our date, but I don't feel any chemistry between us. I'm sorry, but you need to leave."

Riley just nodded respectfully and headed outside.

**Riley's reaction outside her house**_ – "Whatever. That girl is a grade-A slut anyway. Did you hear her moaning? A real lady would never be so wanton."_

"Now for the hard part." Buffy looked at both her parents then turned to face the guys.

"Spike. I had a great time on our date. I don't think I've ever had so much fun in my life, but I get the feeling that all your flirting might mean that you couldn't commit to me if we had a real relationship." Spike shook his head and hung it in shame upset that he had given her the wrong impression.

"And Angel. You know I love you, but sometimes you treat me like a porcelain doll and I don't know if I can live up to your high expectations forever."

"So I've made my decision. And the guy I choose is…"

The tension in the room was extreme. Both guys were praying their names would be the one uttered from Buffy's luscious lips. Waiting to hear here decision was killing them.

Her parents prayed with all their might that she would choose William, or Spike as he liked to be called. They didn't care if he had a silly nickname, they couldn't stand Angel and his moodiness any longer.

Buffy took a deep breath, then revealed her choice.

"Spike!"

Joyce and Hank cheered and clapped, as Buffy ran into his arms. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around him holding him tight. She couldn't wait to start her new relationship with this man. He was perfect.

Spike was over the moon excited. He couldn't believe she had picked him! After seeing the brooding wonder, he was convinced he had her brainwash, but thanked the gods themselves that she hadn't been and now she was his. He put her back on her feet and gave her a bruising, passionate kiss.

Angel stormed out of the house in a fury. Buffy didn't even acknowledge him as he left. As he stomped down the street, he screamed at the camera, "What does she think she's doing? She was supposed to be my Juliet! She's mine! He can't have her!" He then shoved the camera away from his face and continued his brood fest down the street.

Back in the Summers' living room, Hank and Joyce were celebrating on the couch.

"Oh thank God!" Joyce exclaimed with joy.

"Agreed," Hank concurred. "You have wonderful taste my darling."

"I do, don't I?" Joyce whispered as she leaned over to plant a kiss on Hank's lips.

Buffy and Spike were up in Buffy's room cuddling on the bed. "Wonderful decision, pet. What ever made you choose me?" Spike asked curiously.

"Your eyes," Buffy stated simply.

When Spike just looked at her, she expanded her answer saying, "I did always like blue better than brown."

Spike wrapped Buffy up in his arms and kissed her senseless.


End file.
